dear you,
i cant stop thinking of you. and what you said. and did not say. i was reading this book two nights ago. and it reminded me so much of you. the way the book was written, the style of writing was so similar to yours. and i miss you the way one would miss a best friend. the sudden loss of a confidant. the situation of guy in the book was so ironically the same to you and me. a lost chance. a lost friendship? i can only wish. and dream. and hope. but i've given up on hope. surely you must have heard my rantings about hope. how it likes to stab you in the back while you're asleep. the images of what's not to be, and what could be runs through my head. a pen to scribble down the feelings. and the paper thrown away, never for you to lay your eyes on.
what may or may not last. you'll never know now. and you've deprived me of the chance. i miss our convesations, however retarded they may be. you dont tell or reveal much to me, and you leave me to talk. its comforting to know that at least you listen. but i wonder if you remember. did i scare you? i know your reasons. but do you know your own? dont lie to me, i can tell, i know you better than you think i do. i understand, and i remember.
i miss our lunches. before everyone knew who you were. and i miss our constant convesations. i see the similar traits. the love of food, the ability to hold decent conversations, the mass messaging, the widespread intelligence. if only someone could explain to me why, life would be so much easier. im tired of hoping. it is really quite retarded, hoping after you know its impossible. everything i see hear and read, it just adds fuel to fire. but what's ironic, its that you're trying to douce gunpowder fire with water.
i want to give up. someone just release me from this misery.
yours sincerely, me.
[and this is not just for you, but for
you and
you too.]
bleahs.
yesterday was fun. pooled with shane again! haha. he was playing like crap. but too bad. hahaha. i won i won. =DD pooling with sean on weds i think, i hope i dont lose. lols. yea. jo made some stupid joke. she was like, im meena, you're lian. then point to mich and shane. she's you-know-what [lawsuits thingy, i better not write it.], and he's beng. haha. quite retarded.
went to watch pride and prejudice with them + tiffy. it was a relatively good movie. BUT, they screwed up the sequence. its my favourite book. boo to them! lols. so anyways. walked to heeren after the movie. stopped by meridian to meet joel. he looks like a jap! quite surprised to see his hair wasnt dyed. its black. LOL.
ate at sakae heeren. had my tofu thingy again. =DDD the hotake thingy has a veh fishy taste. [ie, strong fish taste. lols]
got home around 7 plus. nothing much exciting. oh yea! talked to derek. his webcam thingy is cool. sheesh. everytime i talk to him i get HUNGRY. because somehow, he always manages to bring food up. diao pls. haha.
nothing much. i need more books to read. jo!
